If you ask someone how they felt when they first became a parent, I hope their response to you is similar to mine: the ultimate. I fell in love with my son instantly, and I'm talking from the moment I laid eyes on his snowy, black and white, kidney bean-shaped body on the ultrasound screen at 10 weeks gestation. A deep, undying, unconditional kind of love that I never knew I had within me to give. What a blessing in disguise.
Shortly before I found out I was pregnant, I had been
feeling very strangely; I was noticing things about my body that I never
noticed before (I am very in tune with my bodily functions and
feelings, as it were). I even asked a friend, who was newly pregnant at
the time, if the things I noticed happened to her right before she found
out as well. She didn’t think so. So what was it? It wasn’t
until I started experiencing light cramping that I knew something was
off: I only cramp when I’m already ON my period, and my monthly friend
was still MIA. That night, or maybe a day or two later, Gary finally
told me to do a pregnancy test. Over and over I said no, I’m not
pregnant, but finally I took one and oh, hello “pregnant”. Took two more
tests and well, look at that, a + over the blue line. I cried. An ugly,
horrible cry. I even said something along the lines of my life being
over. Somewhat obligatory for a unmarried, fresh divorcee recently
graduated from college but unable to secure even an interview, don’t you
think? But once that was out of my system, I rejoiced. I’m going to be a mother! It didn’t happen when I was a teen, or with my previous husband, or anything else deemed socially taboo. WOOHOO!
was born on November 22, 2011 at 2:45 pm. I had contractions pretty
much the entire day before he was born, but from the time I was admitted
into labor and delivery to the moment he was born was less than 12
hours. I labored medication-free and delivered him after pushing for
under an hour. My entire pregnancy was just as textbook and uneventful
really, minus the severe heartburn I experienced during my second and
third trimesters (which I'm sure could be argued as textbook, too). All
day, every day until he was born, acid reflux so severe that even room
temperature water triggered it. I popped an acid reducer in the morning
and never went anywhere without my container of Tums, which I took 2 at a
time after every meal. I guess it could have been worse; I might have
had severe nausea the entire pregnancy like some women do… anyway.
talk about some women feeling intense connections with their unborn
children early on, which I think applies to me quite well. I felt so
connected in fact, I knew he was a HE even before we really found out. I
was so sure that by the time our 20 week ultrasound was done to check
that all his tiny organs had their T’s crossed and I’s dotted, I was
completely unsurprised when the technician said it was a boy. I simply
turned to Gary and said “I know”. I was meant to be a mother to this
soon to be beautiful specimen of a baby boy, so of course he was going
to be XY.
Of course, it goes without saying that had I been wrong
and the little “appendage” we saw on the ultrasound was actually like,
her hand or something, I would be have still been all kinds of thrilled.
But because he was born as we planned, a boy, I stand by my previous
clairvoyance. Besides my newfound psychic ability, my son has taught me
SO much about myself in other ways too. Love so extremely beyond me and
also fear. Along with that fear, a strength to let him grow as much on
his own as my heart can allow. Patience I never knew I was capable of,
for nearly every aspect of my life. Every day, I am blown away at the magnificence of raising a child as loving and gentle yet such a firecracker (and sometimes rather volatile) as my dear Daniel.