Saturday, July 25, 2015

Life Right Now

I can't begin to count the number of times I've been meaning to get this post written down. I realized just now, as I was staring down at my sweet boy's face, that I've been keeping this on my long list of things to do and it's over-due. And besides, I'm not talking the sweet face of Daniel, oh no. He's been upgraded to big brother status and the sweet face I speak of currently is that of his little brother Julian.

He joined our party of 3 on April 14th and wow, what an interesting journey it's been so far for Gary and I now that we have children! Can I just inject a bit of weepy mommy emotion for a second and talk about how I wish I could capture every single face, every moment, for better or worse, so I can look back on it whenever I want? It pains me to think about how quickly Julian is growing right before my eyes, how fast his time goes by as evidenced by my giant of an older son Daniel, but oh how blessed I am to have eyes that see these fleeting moments at least once in my life, even if I will eventually forget. In all their flaws, my sons are absolutely perfect and so heartbreakingly beautiful to me.

Our journey towards Julian's birth started, and ended, with us thinking he'd be it. That we'd be a two-kid family, regardless of his gender. When we learned he would be a boy, I was over the moon. Another boy! A brother for my already sweet prince! I wouldn't know what to do with a girl anyway! But now he's here, and we're here, with two kids and a lifetime and I'm suddenly left feeling a certain way: do we have room for more? Because when I realized how easy the love for one child can morph into the love for two children without splitting, sharing, or dividing that love... then surely, we can have another?

But that's a conversation for Gary and I to have another day, down the road from where we are now. Right now I'm just enjoying the newness of Julian, watching Daniel grow as a person and a brother, and be the queen in a household of the men in my life.