Thursday, September 6, 2012

Adventures in Shopping Land

Image courtesy Crappy Pictures
Yesterday was errand day for Daniel and I; we had to go deposit some checks at the bank then afterward, went to everyone's favorite trashclass all-in-one store Target and even ventured into Babies R Us.

Fortunately, the photo on the left was NOT us yesterday. I got in and out of there with a quickness, making it through the booby trap of life that is Target with just 3 things: Daniel's topical antibiotic prescription for his fingers, a pretty new nursing bra for me, and hand soap refill. That's it. It was a miracle. It would have been more though, significantly more. While I was waiting for D's prescription to be filled, we wandered around innocently and headed to the baby stuff (insert ominous "dun dun duuuuun" here). We want some cute little magnetized toys for him to play with on the fridge while I'm in the kitchen and he's in there with me. Can you believe there aren't any at TARGET?! I was shocked. So really, the photo to the left actually did happen: what just happened, I thought Target has everything!

We had some time to kill before we had to pick up Gary from work so I drove us to Babies R Us, which was quite an adventure in and of itself on this day. Upon entering the second double door after the first entrance (in the area with all the shopping carts), a toddler was standing in front of the automated door crying his little behind off. I'm not quite sure how but little guy got trapped between the two doors (he was too small to trigger the motion sensor to open the door). His dad came out the exit and around the front to rescue him but not before sweetie probably thought he was stuck in shopping cart limbo forever.

This should have been my first cue to leave.

So Daniel and I continue through, finding some alphabet magnets in the cheapo bins up front ($3, so I bought them for later down the line since I think he's still too young for them) and migrating to the toy section. Of course I stopped in shoes and clothes, wanting everything in sight but unable to bring myself to buy anything (husband, you are LUCKY!) and when we finally made it to the toys, I came by another shock. They don't have magnetized baby toys either! WHY?! We did make it out with one of these bad boys though, it's been a long time coming and I wish I had known about it sooner...

So we check out with our two things when I realize, I haven't peed the pee I've had to pee since we left the house to go to the bank 2 hours earlier. I take my baby-wearing, diaper bag holding, shopping bag carrying self to the bathroom. In the back of the store. With a 22 pound, 30 inch tall child strapped to my front and me being at least 6 inches wider on the side thanks to my diaper bag, I thought the smart thing to do would be to use the handicap stall. Oh no, said the cockroach in the bathroom. Avoid avoid. In fact, had I not had to pee my entire life away into the toilet, I would have waited until we got home. But I had to pee, and I was feeling brave, so I willed the cockroach to stay away from my feet while I occupied the next stall. I did my business in record time, gathered our stuff and made my way to the sink when the unthinkable happened next:

I felt the little bugger get between my flip flop and my toes and squish wetly against me.

I die inside every single time I think about it. I kicked my foot wildly, fighting the intense urge to scream bloody murder because of the person in the stall next to where I was standing, and send the nasty thing flying towards the door. Still dieing over here... I felt an all-over shudder and I even got sick to my stomach when I heard the funniest sound that ever did come out of such a disgusting situation: my son, laughing. HE LAUGHED AT ME. And at that point, I laughed back as I retorted "Don't laugh at me, you little butthole. That was gross!". At least he was able to get me out of that funk. Hands washed, bathroom exited, cockroach spotted suffering from injuries sustained when IT ran into ME, when Gary calls to be picked up.

Nice timing.

My little monkey trying on his dad's t-shirt last night.

Target photo courtesy crappypictures.com. Fisher-Price Apptivity Case photo courtesy toysrus.com

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