Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Daniel vs. Mama

Once upon a time, I was the same age as Daniel and while I was significantly premature at birth (6 weeks early!), therefore significantly smaller than he is now (as are 90% of kids his age, though), I was hitting my milestones and growing right before my mother's eyes. Just as Daniel is doing now.

I'm sure he's been teething for a while now, with the constant chewing (on anything, even his father's knuckles), little by little his back muscles are getting stronger and he manages to sit unassisted by us (hunched over with his hands on his legs or on the floor) and now he successfully turns from back to tummy like a pro. He finally perfected the tummy to back roll earlier last week - it took him a while to get that down, it seems. But the opposite direction, he seems to have mastered it in days. His first time doing it fully was on his 5th month birthday, this past Sunday. He had been working up to it for probably a month or so, grabbing a hold of his feet and rolling to his side - but he never attempted it, until about Friday. I could tell he wanted to, that he was trying, had his body all the way over... except for his head. Or he would make the motion, but straightening out his body to actually roll over would roll him right onto his back again. While I was getting a few more hours of sleep on Sunday morning, his father told me that he had rolled onto his tummy not once, but TWICE! I was so happy to hear it but honestly forgot about it until the afternoon when he was on skype with his parents. At that time, I remembered and mentioned showing his parents, too. "Prove it!", I said to Daniel.

And boy, did he.

I have yet to feel that kind of pride in something Daniel has done yet, at least not that I can remember. The first couple of months of his life were a total blur and I honestly don't even remember when it was he first rolled over and now that he does it so easily, I am happy and encourage him but it isn't this wondrous thing. After he rolled onto his tummy for me, I clapped and raved at him; the smile on his face showed he knew he made us happy with that, and he hasn't stopped since. He has spent very little time in his bouncer today, as every time he wakes up, I put him on his back on his blanket. Surrounded by toys to encourage him, he rolls over and scoots his little self around to explore his home from a new vantage point. All this new play is taking a toll on him, though - he was already on his second nap around 2, a mere 2 hours since waking up from his first nap that he started a little after 9 and ended at noon.

I can't help but feel how much he is growing as a little person while I'm just so... stuck. Don't get me wrong, I love being at home with him and allowing him as much mama time as he can possibly handle, but there is a part of me that misses going to work. I miss adult interaction, being a nurse, taking care of people, and making money. I miss that most of all. Money isn't everything, not by a long shot... but NOT having it all of the sudden shows me just how much even the little cash I did bring in before helped. A lot. So I've been applying to various jobs, hoping and praying (and NOT hoping and praying, just in case indifference works in the big karmic cycle...) that I at least get a call for a job interview. So far, nothing. So now I feel nothing. Nothing but a lack of personal growth. That irks me.

So now, I'm just enjoying and living vicariously through my little boy's HUGE steps towards mobile independence and laugh as my friends and family comment "and so it begins!" on his pictures of exploration on my Facebook. Something will happen for me soon, but like always, I'm just not sure what.

After-thought: if you have Instagram, feel free to follow me! My username is juriaguria and as you can expect, lots of pictures of Daniel are on there ;)

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