Tuesday, March 6, 2012

On hindsight and looking forward.

I have a good friend who I've known most of my life. We first met when we were toddlers, our Military fathers introduced through our Japanese mothers. Their second child, a girl, is my brother's age while my friend is just a few months younger than me, and both of our families relocated to Japan in 1998 after being about 20 minutes from each other in southern California. Needless to say, our lives have run very paralleled to one another and we cross each others paths all the time. A few years ago though, our lives took a dramatic turn from the mirrored paths we lived for so long - she got married the same year I left my ex-husband. I was so negative and dejected about love and marriage that year and while I was so happy for her, I was so scared for her. While I am happy with the way my life is in every way, I would never wish divorce on anyone, especially such a close friend.

I've since healed my heart and mind from that kind of thinking; a few years later and they're going strong, living in the Midwest where her Military husband is stationed. They just welcome the birth of their first child this past weekend, a healthy baby girl who was bigger than my own big boy was when he was born! So while the sexes of our children are different and I'm not married to the father of my son (yet), we seem to be finding that parallel path we followed for so long again...

She called me the day her family got home from the hospital to tell me about the labor and delivery - her labor was significantly longer than mine and delivery was marked by a slight complication, but we share this experience nonetheless and I welcomed her to the mamahood club with vigor and excitement. She has experience with young children since she works in a day care, so of the two she seems to be the level-headed, less frantic parent (definitely the opposite for us - I continue to be the worry wort of the two of us). Listening to her talk about the first few days of her daughter's life sent me down memory lane with my own becoming a mama moments. As I continue to be amazed daily at the growth and development of my sweet boy, I can't help but wish it would happen just a little slower. He will be 4 months old in a few weeks and the question I keep asking myself is when did this happen? Wasn't he just born like, yesterday? Wasn't I still pregnant like, last week? I know the first month of his life is a complete blur to me, I wish I had enjoyed it a little bit more.

I know it's still early and he's still so young, but I definitely told my friend to enjoy her time with her daughter at every step of the way. I look at dear Daniel and it's hard to believe that he was once half his size and so very new to everything. Now he explores everything with his eyes, practices holding himself up by his arms and using his strong neck muscles to keep his head steady, kicking himself up with his strong legs as we support his upper body, talking a mile a minute and laughing intensely as his dad tickles between his shoulder blades and razzberries his ever-expanding tummy.

While I am constantly looking back at the beginning of my life as a mother, I'm WE are looking forward. Since Daniel was born, people have been asking me when I was going to have another baby. The main part of my brain screamed "Can I please recover and enjoy my newborn first, please?" but obviously, their questions have been lodged permanently into my brain and now that my boy is nearing 4 months old, I find myself wondering when we will be ready to expand our family. I mentioned last night to Gary that I might like to try again this winter, after Daniel's first birthday. As crazy as it sounds, I know I want at least 1 more and I don't want there to be too much of an age gap. I want to be able to raise my kids as close together in every stage of development as possible. After experiencing the last few months with my boy, I can see myself adding an new child to the mix when he is around 18 to 20 months old.

Just smack me now.

1 comment:

  1. Friends like that are special. Sucks that you had such a negative experience in marriage. I have had a few rough patches and while I am not negative, I am very cautious. I'm glad you and your friend are finding that parallel again.